notpikaman:

retrogamingblog2:

lenasai:

tamamita:

I love how anti-vaxx don’t seem to understand that the body reacting to a virus is what the fucking body does naturally when a foreign microbiological agent is injected into the body.

“the vaccine makes you have a reaction to it!”

dadd:

Uber: “I’m in a blue Honda Civic.”

Me: “ok”

Me to me: “ok, we know what blue is”

internetmessiah:

I’ve decided I want to be cremated. Not when I die, just whenever. Surprise me.

avpdqueen:

me? both avoiding and craving attention? you bet

skarchomp:

me when i see a dog: pubby!

me when i see a service dog: MISTER pubby…

pajamaben:

Rules for meeting a dog:

1) be cool

2) pet it

3) do not steal it

4) stop running from the owner

5) put it down

6) this isn’t worth jail time

dragon-in-a-fez:

donkeykongsixtyfour:

grahancoxon:

(to the tune of uptown girl) uptown rat. he wears a very silly pointy hat

look I know the instructions were right there but you have no idea how much time I spent trying to sing this to the tune of uptown funk

johncribati:

pileofknives:

fuck-liberal-morons:

pileofknives:

Attention all customers: our store will be closing in five minutes. If you are present in the store after closing you will be hunted for sport.

Bring it fuckstick. See how fast the hunters become the hunted.

Just because you wear Mossy Oak to dress up for a Walmart run doesn’t mean your average Target cashier couldn’t stuff and mount your head over their fireplace

Everyone who works retail, at any given customer: